I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
