apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
