who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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