His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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