I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
