I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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