i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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