Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
