You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
