nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I look better un-naked...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize