he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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