Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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