and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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