i permit you to call me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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