If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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