I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
