Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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