At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize