Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
