quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
