it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need a beard to bite.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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