READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
