I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
