Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm passing your future prison.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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