You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
