We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bring money and cleavage
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
