bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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