he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
