Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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