Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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