Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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