Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
