She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize