nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
