do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We left an ass print on the piano.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
