# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
