Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
