Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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