According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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