some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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