My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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