He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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