I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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