I just cut my nipple shaving
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A+ Viking dick
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
