That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Success! We fucked roommates!
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