She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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