Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
