My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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