i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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