If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
