If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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