You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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