Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
