There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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