You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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