didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
