dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
