nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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