there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
