the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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