i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
