I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
