She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
