i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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