the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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