i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
