you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
