How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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