i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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