I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
