I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
