My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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